Saying Goodbye

Having left the Roman Catholic Church in 1999, my first experience was the feeling of freedom that Christ promises in John 8:32.

Growing up Irish in the late 50s, 60s, and 70s, I had enjoyed a huge extended Catholic *family*. Reared by devout church-going parents I was schooled by the good sisters and received communion at the hands of the priests. I'd said the rosary, attended novenas, observed Lent, performed the stations of the cross, went to confession, and did penance. I gave to the missions, offered up prayers for the poor souls in purgatory and even chipped in for a pagan baby or two. Grade through graduate school I was immersed in a culture and a religion that gave me a sense of belonging.. but left me longing.

You see, I also resided in a state of perpetual anxiety about where my soul would go when I died. I *hoped* I'd attain heaven as I believed my good deeds had out weighed my bad. I *tried* to remain sinless between confessions in order to *die in a state of grace*, ensuring perhaps that I would not be lost to an eternity of hell. Or, almost as bad, to linger for millennia in the agony of purgatory with no one to pray me out. I'd heard scripture read from the pulpit at mass weekly, but in all the time I resided in Catholicism, I'd never heard it taught until, at the age of 40something, I sat quietly in the last seat of a small Evangelical Church listening to the pastor as he explained line by line, verse by verse, week after week, the history, culture, background and message to the people that resided within it's pages. From what had once been described to me as *mysteriously unknowable* poured forth a long cohesive story of love and redemption I'd never heard explained like that before. Previously *mysterious*, it suddenly made sense, it's message clear, it's meaning revealed. The impact on my soul and my senses was exhilarating. Like a long drink from a cold spring.. of Living Water. Here were the words that finally gave comfort to my soul. Here at last was peace beyond all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

But then a curious thing began to happen. A sense of anxiety slowly began to grow. Unrest. From the sermons I was hearing came messages that didn't match what I had been taught throughout my many years in Catholic teaching. Confusion set in, a disturbing whirlpool slowly began to swirl. Nights got longer as I tossed and turned wondering... had I made a mistake? Had I forfeited my salvation having *left the One True Church* and *sold my soul for a lie* as a priest once told me? While there were commonalities, theological differences were glaring. Polar opposite differences. Which teachings were the truth?

Those questions lead me to study, to study in earnest. They led me to go back and revisit Catholic disciplines, doctrines and dogma you will find discussed in ongoing blog posts above, that I had lived by but had never taken the time to fully explore before. They led me to compare what I'd learned growing up to scripture itself. And they finally led me to see why I had not only said goodbye, but said goodbye for good to a Church that I am very thankful and happy to have grown up in. In the Catholic Church there remain many family members and friends that I will cherish from now unto eternity. I don't know that any of them have to leave Catholicism in order to find freedom in Christ the way that I did. But some are asking specific questions that I cannot answer in a word, or an email, or even an extended conversation. It is for them that I am writing this blog, and it is in obedience and love that I am sharing the things I have gleaned from my searching. (1 Peter 3:15)

For the reasons stated above, this blog is not open for debate but rather meant for educational purposes, probing questions and honest discussion. If one should arise I will move swiftly to refer those involved to other blogs/discussion boards where open debating takes place.  Courtesy, kindness and gentleness is a must. There may come a point where we have to respectfully agree to disagree; however quarrels, rancor and hurtful ad hominem comments will be deleted without further response. As always, I ask for the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us in any and all endeavors undertaken here. Welcome.